The House of Flying Monkeys

So, apparently there are still people who haven’t learned anything despite the tragedy of the TVUUC shooting.  Witness my occasional commenter - SOSUME - and their latest comment:

Author : sosume (IP: 70.11.182.32 , 70-11-182-32.area7.spcsdns.net) E-mail : sosume@hotmaill.com

URL    :

Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=70.11.182.32

Comment:

and libtards are just stupid and there’s no cure for that. it is, however, terminal

This is just their usual crap, I delete the comments most of the time because I figure it’s probably somebody I know and loathe, just being bitter again, because that’s the only thing she’s ever been successful at.  But, in light of what happened here in our town last month, whomever this is who keeps opening up this can of garbage should take note that us Liberals aren’t as weak as you might think.  As the good men of TVUUC showed us all, we will stop you if you do something to hurt us and ours.  As an added bonus, because of our longtime work with the many downtrodden people who your kind has attacked over the years, we will hire better lawyers that will sue you or prosecute you and keep you in jail for a long time.  You know, because we’re bleeding heart types.  But we still believe in our nation of laws, freedoms, and punishments that fit the crime committed.  

Also, just so you know SOSUME, if you think you’re right, if you believe your words deserve a hearing so much, if you think we care, then I would advise you to start commenting under your own name and using an email address that isn’t fake.  Otherwise you’re just some stupid asshole whose comments get deleted as soon as they show up.  Talking to your kind is like teaching a pig to dance.  I just get frustrated and the pig doesn’t learn anything.

So, now there’s a floor.  A nice floor.  Gray, looks like stone, rough textured, flecks of all sorts of stone-ish colors.  Yay floor!  There’s also a new toilet.  White, porcelain, low-flow & high efficiency, all but guaranteed to save us money per flush, and it does that well too!  No multiple flushes required, for the bigger tasks.  Um, yeah.  And, last but not least, today there’s a new vanity.  A very nice euro design, much more space efficient, actually larger but fits the room better than it’s old clunky predecessor.  And now our bathroom is looking like a brand new place.  And that makes me smile- big!  Because the changes are really amazing, when I take a walk down home decorating memory lane.  Starting with the original blue and white dots and geese that were living in there when I first moved in, to the interim of red stripes and shiny chrome that we first put in to work with what was there when we first tried to improve the livability of our rental home, to the new transformation into chocolate and white with khaki walls and brushed nickel metals that we’re finishing up today in the house that we own.    It looks nice.  Sleek, not too stark, but very new looking.  Yay New!!!  New is good!  New rocks!  I’ll post pictures as soon as my contractor isn’t a part of them.  Thanks JimBob for doing all this heavy lifting… this is the best Birthday present ever!!! 

Hey Kitchen Chickens? You’re next!!! 

Take that, wrinkly white haired guy!  And yes, I loves it too! For realz!  I guess ’cause it’s hot! And because anybody who cuts Larry King and the Cryptkeeper into the same footage is a film God.  Srsly, that’s the best ever!  And because you all know how I roll politically, here’s another one…

And this one makes me laugh because I’ve always secretly believed that Republicanism is a disease… because nothing else explains Michael Savage and Dr. Laura, right?

So, yep, this week we’re getting a new inside outhouse… thanks to my step-dad and Mom!  Everybody, all together now- thanks Mom & Jim Bob!  And, for those of you too young to remember, so far it’s going just like all the other renovations that have been done to this house, slowly.  Why? Because the house hates renovations, hates change, and it fights all attempts to make it nicer with every dirty trick in the book.  All of them, at once.  Grrrrrr.  Just grrrrrr.  Yep.

The renovation list:

1. New Vinyl Flooring
2. New Toilet
3. New Vanity & Sink
4. New Towel Bar
5. New Shower Enclosure, Showerhead, Hardware

And after the first day, we have a new toilet.  Yep, a toilet.  After an entire day of labor from six people.  A toilet.  Oh, the new floor is down, sort of, because we had to do at least part of that in order to seat the toilet, but the floor is only partially glued, in that corner only.  And why, I’m sure you want to ask, is there so little done?  Yeah, I know you want to ask that, just like the Bob did, because you too are crazy or you have a death wish.  And the answer, when my head quits spinning around, is that this house hates me.  And so does the old floor, apparently.  So, the house and floor from Hell put their collective muscle into fighting my improvement plan all day yesterday.  They fought us tooth and nail, literally.  Oh yes, they did. Because that old floor, you know, the one that was curling up on the edges?  The one that looked like Kaybug could pull it up?  Well, it only did that to lure us into complacency. Then, when we started pulling, it seperated into two pieces.  The vinyl top layer that pulled up really easy, and the paper backing that was made in Hell.  Yes, Hell!  It’s covering the Devil’s bathroom I tell you.  Because that second layer didn’t come up easily at all.  In fact, it finally had to be soaked in water and scraped up like wallpaper.  On our hands and knees.  So that happy joy funtime project?  The one that shouldn’t have taken more than an hour at the most?  It took frackin’ hours people!  Hours!  In a bathroom that’s no bigger than a McMansion Walk-In Closet! 

So campers, that was my world yesterday, on my hands and knees, scraping up flooring backing, and today I’m sore.  Everywhere.  Just like everybody else.  Sore like I’ve been beaten with sticks.  Sore like I was in a car wreck.  But, proudly, I can report that we were finally victorious and the new toilet is in.  And it is so beautiful, all pristine and white, that I just want to cry from the beauty.  Sitting there, majestic in it’s newness, casually posed on the marbled faux stone flooring, it’s a work of art.  And today, if all goes better than yesterday, we’ll have a new vanity.  And maybe the interesting yard art will be hauled away to the Habitat store.  Because I never want to see that old toilet, and it’s little secret stash of yuck that it was hiding under the base, again.  Although I do think we could put it someplace in the yard and use it to build a really nice shrine to Saint Larry the Cable Guy.  Add some flowers in the bowl, a flamingo or two and maybe fill the tank with PBR cans and we’ve got some really great yard art!  Talk amongst yourselves and vote - tax write-off/donation or shrine to the Patron Saint of Rednecks?  My neighbors anxiously await your vote! 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go.  We’re about to get started for today and I think the plumbing pipes need a smackdown before we get started.  Preemptive strike and all that.  If you have the time today, do me a favor and email the Bob.  Let him know that the Surgeon General has determined that the words "what exactly did you do today?" can be hazardous or dangerous to his health. 

I’m just sayin.    

And I am so Team Edward… sorry Jacob, but the bloodsucker’s got my heart too! And if you don’t know what I’m talking about then you obviously don’t have a teen girl around to clue you in.  Check it out here, and here, because you really need to know… if only so you’ll understand all the Edward Cullen Facebook flair and bumper stickers out there now.  Yes, with much shame, you can officially call me addicted to this lit-candy.  And you can also bet that I’ll be up reading until God knows when tonight-  after I get home with that yummy piece of deliciousness known as the fourth book.

It’s just like Buffy and Spike back in the good old days… and you’ve got to know that I lurve me some good old-fashioned Vampire romance!

And all you haters? Just bite me!

Um, yeah.  I’m still alive.  Still around.  Just went to ground for a few days, had to clear up my head.  Been dealing with teh sickness.  Also found a new book series - Twilight by Stephenie Meyer - I read all three of them in a week…  obsessive much?  And because me Uncool-o-meter isn’t off the charts yet, Friday night I’ll be at Barnes and Noble getting book 4… because we all know that I’m a big geek too.  So, wanna come? We can wear our Team Edward tees and Vampire Fangs.  It’ll be a hoot!

Anyway, that’s where I’ve been, there and with the kid.  Last week was another good week together for us.  And I’ll just add that it’s really nice having her around. Really really nice.  It reminds me that we are all more than the sum of our obvious parts, and it keeps me mindful that it’s never too late to make a difference in the life of a child.  Oh, and the other big benefit is that she’s funny… I like that, a lot.  This week we let her go to Cali to visit a friend.  She’s having fun with her girls.  We’re happy that we could provide that opportunity.  There’s very little of that for her.  It’s the least we can do. 

In conjunction with the kid’s travel this week, I’m at mi Madre’s in Macon.  Still dealing with teh sickness, still feeling all out of sorts, and now after a few hours of CNN and some seriously obsessive newshounding, really missing home something fierce.  Feeling like I need to hug my loved one, count all his fingers and toes, and then hold his hands in mine and thank Jeebus and anybody else who happens to be listening for not letting anything happen to him.  Because, mentally, the TVUUC shooting?  It’s kicking my head around. 

Damn.  Yeah, that’s about all that I’ve been able to say with any regularity.  Damn.  In Knoxville?  Srsly, in Knoxville?  I know, I’m not saying much that others haven’t said, and it goes without saying that they all said their thoughts much more eloquently than I am now.  But, damn.  I always thought of our little corner of the world as being safe.  And, sadly, I was wrong.  And, Mr. Jim Adkisson, if I might make a suggestion, maybe you should have spent a little more time loving all your neighbors, not just the ones who sound like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.  I’m just sayin’.  Maybe that might have made a difference?  Maybe.  And I guess his shooting spree, combined with all the Armed Forces personnel I saw at ATL, who were geared up and flying off to war, have put me into a bad place.  Because somehow the logic escapes me.  I mean, really, how can we condemn violence against us in our personal lives and yet condone it when it’s done by our government, against people we’ve never met, in a country that is not ours, because of reasons that are unclear or suspect.  Seriously, WTF?

See? I told you, bad place indeed.  And really, I can’t coherently talk about all of it yet.  Mentally I’m not ready to deal with it.  I just keep thinking about everything, and I’m dizzy from the thoughts.  So much death.  So much waste.  And for what?  That’s what I keep asking God… for what?  And I wonder, sometimes, if maybe he’s already answered me.  Maybe the reason is simply because.  Because unless we all learn to love one another, all anothers - not just the ones we know and agree with- then he’ll keep letting these things happen.  Maybe the message is simply that - love one another.  But then again, maybe the message is that sometimes shit just happens.  Maybe.  I don’t know.  I just know that I’m sad.  For all of us.  Including Mr. Jim Adkisson. 

And, until I get my head back from the bad place, for now I will leave you all with this.  Peace be with us all, hallelujah, amen.

So, I really want to be at BlogHer… but I’m not.  And it was all my choice, but that doesn’t make it any easier, because there’s a part of me that’d still really like to be there.  Not here, reading stray posts and seeing pics of Guy Kawasaki spreading the love with someone I sort of know, kind of, in a distant stalkery way.  BTW Lindsay, do you think there were enough links in that post? I kid, I kid!  And anyway, probably busymom was there too.  But she’s just being polite and not rubbing it in.  Thanks busymom, so thoughtful!  You definitely get style points for that, but we’re immediately deducting them for this post.  Yeah, you know, the one that showed up in my feedreader immediately.  The one that is still taunting me.  Yeah, um, that one.

And yes, I know I could have gone.  I had enough airline credit to easily get the ticket, for free.  Then the cost wouldn’t have been so bad and I could so have been there, drinking Flirtinis (does anybody cool even drink those anymore?), wearing fabulous shoes and a cute outfit, seeing San Francisco and all the sights it holds.  Oh yeah and, somewhere in between all that coolness, managing to meet the very many women who inspire me daily to do better at this bloggity blog blog thing I do.

But I made another choice.  A choice that was the right one for me, no matter how much wailing and gnashing I’m doing now.  No matter how much whining I’m typing over on Twitter.  You see, I decided to take that airline credit and buy my truly wonderful step-daughter a ticket to LA so she can visit with one of her best friends, who moved out there last year.  Someone she’s gone to school with since she was very young.  Someone she misses quite a lot.  So, yeah, I gave up BlogHer for my step-kid.  And that’s why I’m not sorry about the decision.  Not at all.  Even though there was a time when I would not have been that selfless.  But, if you keep up with my story, there also was a time when that decision wouldn’t have been necessary at all.  Because I was half of a DINK.  No anklebiting responsibilities, no sacrificing, and I thought life was good.  But that time has passed.  Now, making this decision, brings it home to me yet again that (despite some other people’s evil words) I am a parent too.  And I never thought those words would ever be typed by my fingers, but I did, they are, and I am.  I am a step-parent, and I am proud.   Of her, for being one of the best kids in the world, really.  And of me, for taking on that responsibility even though I didn’t have to and making it work better than I ever thought it could.  She’s given me a chance to be her step-mom and she’s given me a chance to prove that I could be that.  And for that I say thanks.  And I that’s why I gave up my trip to fabulousness.  So she could have some in her life instead.

Now, Miss C, all I want you to do is go to California and enjoy yourself.  See everything and have lots of fun.  Because that’s what you’re supposed to be doing the summer before your Senior Year, really.  Trust me when I tell you that real life will be here soon enough.  Play a little longer, while you still can.  And know that we always love having you with us but this Summer we decided that you might want to spend some time with K.  So we gave you a week of our very limited visitation time, because we love you and we want you to have a good life with some fun in it.  In spite of all the turmoil that you seem to survive so easily.  Enjoy it.  Know that we did this because we love you.

And that’s why I’m not at BlogHer.  Yeah, maybe one year I’ll see all the fabulousness, but this year I’m taking a pass.  Because of our kid.  And, for the curious, taking that pass has helped reinforce to me the radical (and for some, more than annoying) idea that you do not have to push a kid out of your hoohah in order to love them.  Because I do, and it’s enough.  Sorry BlogHer, but I didn’t leave my heart in San Francisco.  It’s right here, with my little family, in Knoxville, Tennessee.  And I couldn’t be happier about that.  Because I’ve got her and her Dad, and we’ve got pizza together at Mellow Mushroom and a midnight showing of the Dark Knight to go to tonight.  And, somehow that trumps all the fabulous shoes, and the cool people, and the Flirtinis. Really.

Cheers!  Say hi to Guy!  Oh, and I’ll see all you in Nashville for the Outreach! CYABAI!

Yeah, I’m still mostly boycotting… one break down on my way north for the funeral but other than that I’ve stuck to my guns.  I buy their coffee beans at the grocery store but I’ve not stepped inside the stores since my disagreement with the store at Strawberry Plains escalated into a shooting war.  So you can only imagine my reaction when I read this today.  Um, yeah.  I know it’s hard to believe, but Strawberry Plains is the only Knoxville* Starbucks that is currently scheduled for closing.  And, truly, I’m trying to be sad for the two or three people there that might have been worth saving… but I’m not able to get to that point.  Because the rest of them, in my considered opinion, are getting a big old Karma kick in the knee.  And, yes, before you call me a heartless bitch, I’ve been a victim of corporate downsizing before, and yes, it sucks.  But you know, after my very negative customer (non)service experience at the hands of that staff, I’m thinking that maybe just maybe this is a good lesson for those fine folks to learn early.  Although, sadly, they’ll probably just take away the crazy idea that "the establishment" and corporate America sucks.  I know who the enemy was over there though, it was them.  And sometimes Karma is a bitch.  I’m just sayin’.

But, anyway, right about now I’m thinking that maybe my mad Voodoo skillzez are more effective than I ever thought.  Yeah, because you just know that I came home after our big blowup and pinned that note with the manager’s name and phone number on it to my Voodoo Doll, with the black pin, and mumbled a few more descriptive expletives about him and his store as I did my pinning.  You know, the four or five that I didn’t say to the blinking Shift Manager when I was ranting and raving in their drive thru.  Just kidding, I didn’t really do that (wink wink), but I should have.  But, more importantly, now that I know that my mojo is more powerful than I ever believed, maybe it’s time for me to use my powers for something good.  You know, like winning the lottery?  Yeah, maybe that, that’d be keen!

Anybody know creole for "Momma needs a new 42,325 pairs of shoes, and a brand new car"?

*And, yes, I know Harriman is also on the list but I don’t really consider Harriman to be part of Knoxville, and truly I don’t think the Harrimanites consider themselves to be a part of us either.  I’m just relieved that they didn’t hire the Bob to be the manager of that location.  That would have really sucked… eh? 

The weekend travels continue with us in Asheville this weekend. Nice visit with the in-laws, I know, shocking. But, yes, it’s been a nice weekend. Not doing too much of anything but just hanging out with the family. Went downtown yesterday by myself, took pictures, had lunch, remembered how much I really love this place. Street musicians were out, entertaining the masses, making the coolness factor climb. And so this is Asheville. Lunch was at a new spot - Johnny’s Uptown Grill - with yummy Fried Green Tomatoes and a lovely Spinach Salad with a very unusual Warm Bacon Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing. The Sauvignon Blanc they recommended matched very well, until the Sweat Bee dove into it and ruined my fun. Only I could end up with an insect designated drinker… right? Dinner with the family and some friends from our days here was also a high spot… filled with good food, good conversation, and much laughter. Maybe I needed this? A respite from the upsets of the last few weeks and the aggravations of our day-to-day? Yeah, I needed it. I needed it a lot.

So, today I’m thinking about going to an indie craftfair. All the stuff looks very etsy and neat. Then again I might just take my book and my Ipod and go sit out on the deck and enjoy the mountains. Do nothing except soak up the beauty of the world we live in. Mountains remind me that nothing in my life is as big as they are, and that God wants us to see the beauty when he puts something that big and beautiful in our path. So, thank you Asheville, for reminding me again of God’s beauty and his grace. And for reminding me that no matter how large my problems might seem, they are not insurmountable. Oh, and for reminding me that everybody has a little bit of freak in them - embrace it, celebrate it, own it!